Spews Just In

1. They're not sorry they made the dehumanizing assumptions they did about you, or sorry about how they acted on them or about the fact that they acted under those assumptions. They're sorry they got caught. Their "solution" is to hide it better next time rather than to never do it again-- or, perish forbid, see you as enough of a person to never have needed or deserved that, to not deserve it now, or to make an informed choice to not have anything more to do with them because of how they treated you. 2. This upside-down ass-backwards world sees love as immoral, impractical, bad, selfish, a waste of time, pretentious, cowardly, low-intellect, an excuse, dishonest, and as a lack of real actual love (they say slaving away for their system or dying for it is real actual love). They have forgotten that love is the POINT, and that if it doesn't serve love then it isn't actually practical at all. 3. Don't take anyone's words as gospel unless it literally say...

 I can't stand old wives' tales like "If you aren't annoyed by anyone in the room then that means you're the annoying person."  This was meant to keep everyone self-conscious in a bad way, socially anxious, generally anxious, self-doubting, self-hating, feeling the need to watch their step every second of every day, and taking out their anger about having to do that on each other under the assumption of "If I have to do this then so do they so I'm going to police their every move the way society is policing mine. Fair is fair." If only we stopped playing by those rules. Rihanna's quote in her song-- "Life's a game and it's not fair. I break the rules so I don't care" has always resonated with me. When we were born we never signed on any dotted line to give our lives over to the God of Perfectly Manicured Lawns. So we owe them nothing. You owe them nothing.

So you think I'm manic for being hypertalkative or seeking stimulation? Despite me saying it's because I'm depressed and lack that stimulation and am using the energy I have left to seek more in the biggest fastest way I can so that I don't run out? I guess that means that since I have time to finish my final exam (five minutes), I don't need to be rushing to finish it before the five remaining minutes is up. I guess that also means that since I have gas to drive to the gas station, I don't need any gas from the gas station. I guess that means that since I'm able to drag myself upstairs to bed, I must not be tired, or I'd just have passed out on the floor. I guess that means that since I'm not dead yet from starvation after getting stranded in the tundra, that I don't need anything to eat. I guess that that means that since a guy getting arrested can talk to say he can't breathe, that means he can breathe and is lying, and that you therefore ...

 The baseline of respect for a person's sentience is knowing 100% that everyone is (and that they therefore are too) sentient all the time, and can't and won't lose that or become less, and treating them as such. No ifs, ands, buts, further becauses, unlesses, provideds, notwithstandings, or depending on anything other than itself. If even a part of us sees a person or other being as lesser or not sentient, then we end up not treating them as sentient at all. Not okay. Not acceptable. Not passable or necessary or "unavoidable." No excuse for doing that, and that's why as soon as we remember and thus once again consciously know better than this, then we do better than it.

 "We'll help you become more functional" is absolutely toxic if it doesn't include the sincere message of "You're already adequate as you are regardless. You are loving and capable regardless." Society needs to stop treating people like damaged or defective objects that need fixing. People are damaged PEOPLE that need LOVING as they are. THAT is the only thing that helps or saves or "improves" anyone.

 When the point of it all-- the cause we are defending or trying to defend-- is our souls, then selling our souls for the cause is the opposite of the cause.  This expression of perfect shallow behavior (no one is shallow, but all of us are guilty of acting in shallow ways) is what is WRONG with the world and the universe, not what will save it. It is what has always destroyed it. It is the disregard for and ignoring of and losing track of who we all are underneath and our connection with each other and ourselves and God(s) and our many spiritual guides that we have been made by society to lose track of. Society at this point would rather we care about and worship people's lawn landscaping as who they are rather than any of the above. Tht is what's ass backwards and sick and twisted, not us.

 At least I'm not-- and never want to be-- too mature to have emotions. Or too sane to want human rights. Or too evolved to know I NEED human rights and can't survive without them. Or too transcendent to DEMAND human rights in society. Or too universal to take a side on a personal or political level, and to know that that doesn't mean I hate the people on the other side or want bad to happen to them or for them to suffer. It just means I won't sacrifice the well-being of my own people (including their emotional well being) for the well-being of their aggressors/abusers/oppressors/bullies/stalkers/assailants. So SAVE IT. Your anger at this post is emotions, and is taking a side. You are repressing and denying your emotions, which leads to those emotions of yours getting misappropriated and blamed on the wrong people and taken out on innocent people.

 Trying to make your poor family act "classy" and not associate with other "poor" people is an assumption that you are better than your neighbors and that their situation is their fault and that only you are deserving of better things, or so-called better things. It's torturing your family, trying to force a round peg into a square hole in the hopes that pushing it through the hole will reshape it and make it square. It's discrimination. It's nothing but posturing, putting on pretentious airs, and a maladaptive defence mechanism of yours against being called or seen as poor or classless, because you got brainwashed by someone to believe that certain people are classless or pathetic or dishonest thieves using whatever system. If anything, it might make your family turn AGAINST "polite society" because they think it's all about YOUR snobby, shallow "values." Yeah... as Teddy would call it, class with a capital K.

 If I could stop "overthinking," I would. I don't choose to torture myself. But I do choose to think for myself, and what I'm thinking about is true and necessary and often painful. But it would be way worse torture if I tried to repress it, or if someone else repressed it for me.

 A lot of systems and societies are banking on the people, or certain people in them-- on you-- being too stupid to realize you matter. And yes, if you are reading this, you ARE a person and this IS directed at you.

Stand. Up. To. Your. Family. And. Friends. Who. Put. Down. Your. Partner.  I mean if your partner is not someone you just met, and you've been together for many months or YEARS. I mean if there is no other way... Like standing up to the other people who are running your partner down... Even if those other people are beloved family and friends of yours. If it is not worth it to stand up to them for your partner then that means your partner isn't worth it to you. AS in to you emotionally, not as in "Your partner should leave you"-- this isn't about that. Your partner shouldn't be ordered to put up with it with a smile while the other people get to pick on them without consequence with or without a smile... while you let them. It isn't your partner's place to "stand up for themself" in this case. Your family and friends would never believe your partner... they are too biased against your partner to believe a word your partner says.

 People need to stop trying to-- and ordering others to try to-- be or act like God. God doesn't want us to literally try to be literally perfect, or to try to be someone else, or to lose/forget/break/squash/hide/come to hate ourselves trying to do anything. "Trying to be like God" sets us up to think we're going to hell if we don't, or if we do or don't do whatever, or at all... and then to torture ourselves and others by and in the process of thinking and acting on that. The idea of doing everything everywhere all at once or else you're bot doing enough or trying hard enough and need to feel guilty or ashamed is of the same type of school of thought. That kind of "please God" mentality is really just a "please everyone" mentality, or a "torture yourself trying to please everyone other than yourself" mentality, a "please your parents" mentality, a "please your teachers and parents and clergy and really everyone...

  All stereotyping is dehumanizing other than "Everyone is a sentient, positive, loving being equally to all others and infinitely and permanently." Other "positive" stereotypes are just as bad as negative ones. Because they don't see you as more than a narrow this or that type. Then when you act or suddenly show up as different from the stereotype they had of you, their whole world is often destroyed. They take it out on you. They will in some way or other accuse you of false advertising or deception... as tho you ever wanted or tried to make them think their narrow crap about you at all. Or they might tell you that you will come to a sticky end or at least that your life will be a dead end if you don't start acting like their stereotype of you again. They might think or say that you have gone off the deep end or are having an episode... They try to tell you that you have lost THE plot just because you discarded the plot of THEIR narrative they had in their...

The only way anyone ... And I do mean anyone and everyone other than Teddy... has ever tried to appeal to me emotionally when I'm in a negative state is through shame and guilt trips. (Otherwise they just try to appeal to me intellectually.) Never positive emotions like "I know you love so and so very much and you might not want to say that... You know that will hurt them just like this hurt you... Because you can relate... You experienced such and such just like they do." instead they insist on name calling, accusations, kicking me whule I'm already down in the name of "using tough love to boot me to my feet," other types of belittling, telling me they expected better of me, telling me some bad thing will befall ME if this or unless that (assuming I'm a primitive who doesn't care about or want anyone other than myself). And yes, I will go there.. It's sad. Just because I'm complaining here about my own life doesnt mean I have no right to be ...

 They need to stop calling what happened to you tragic. They need to stop hinting, believing, treating you like, and spreading around that you are permanently destroyed, permanently limited or ruined, will never this or that. That you are "a shadow of who you were" or that you or your innocence "got permanently corrupted". No matter WHAT or HOW much awfulness happened or was done to you. They are acting as though what happened made you less of a person, caused you to lose humanity, caused you to become less sentient, or made you into less than you were before. The reality is that no magic wand, no event, no nastiness or evil, has the power to turn something into nothing, more into less, matter into nothingness, as in sentience into nothingness or into a flea-infested, unsentient pile of dog shit. THAT is the real delusional magical thinking here... it denies the law of the conservation of matter! You could never become less of a person even if you were literally lob...

How does dehumanizing others help you? Particularly those you say you are helping-- especially those who you tell yourself you are helping BY doing certain dehumanizing things or spreading around certain dehumanizing ideas about them.  It doesn't help THEM, that's for sure. It harms and hurts and tortures them. Does it make YOU feel more like a complete human being to do that to them? If so-- and even if not, by virtue of the fact you even see it as necessary at all to dehumanize anyone else-- then you STILL don't believe you are a complete human being. Otherwise you would know that your humanity doesn't depend on your ability to or willingness to do or okayness with doing that to others. You would know that your humanity doesn't depend on your luck, health, way of thinking, or relationships. Or on anything. You would know your humanity is unconditional. In this case your so-called gratitude, your thanking God that you are a full person rather than that half person ...

 The only pure, harmless thing is knowing that everyone is (and thus treating everyone, starting with one's closest soul family, as) equally, unnegotiably, unconditionally sentient.  All other political actions and omissions and statements and held-back statements and pulled-back/taken-back/redacted statements-- everything else we try to do to help-- has some victims somewhere, often hidden ones. That's why politics is so controversial.  The tragedy is that we all always knew that the nonsense needed to stop before it ever even started millennia ago... that we need to stop this yesterday... that we often even know we did and do... but that we don't know how. Because we can't agree on how to end the nonsense. Because we can't agree on what the nonsense is or was in the first place. We each only have a small portion of the solution, because we each were only exposed to a small portion of the problem. And often those portions clash with each other. Which makes us clas...

Where I come from, that's called "Ignoring the problem until it bites you in the ass."

Here's my essay about trauma ruining lives and quality of life, and even the little trauma that I had compared to a lot of others (maybe I shouldn't be saying that, it's still valid) getting in my way every time I try to sit down and just have a peaceful day... I value a peaceful day as infinitely as the next person does, that was never the issue even if people thought I liked or wanted to "stir up trouble" by talking about trauma. But it's a need, not a want, and never meant to stir up trouble.   It poisons us. So then we can't stop throwing up that poison, no matter how badly we want to. No matter how badly we are dying to stop, to just go and love on our loved ones instead. But instead this need to throw up-- not the throwing up and the knowledge that we have to do it or be poisoned, but the fact we ever needed to in the first place-- is ruining our lives and those of the loved ones we would rather be spending quality time with than throwing up in front...

 And you tell me "Fine then, wallow in ignorance." Sir. I'm not ignorant of my own soul, my own needs. Emotions don't lie or deceive or fake or pretend. Emotions cannot be programmed to pretend to exist or be real "when they really aren't." The myth of the manipulator without a conscience, the "outsider born without emotions," drugs turning a person emotionless, anyone being turned into or becoming a "vegetable" for any reason, the  unfeeling psychopath/sociopath/narcissist/robot person... the less sentient or unsentient being... is a myth... and a dangerous, dehumanizing one. You're the one being ignorant, for thinking you know me better than I do. For thinking you know anyone else in any general sense better than they know themselves. No fucking exceptions-- children, for example, need guidance, but this "I know you better than you know yourself" culture is toxic, dehumanizing, and dangerous... and deadly.  It is so-ca...

 Let's use a hypothetical guy named Crazy Chris as an example. You know, the one you called not the sharpest knife in the drawer, not the brightest bulb in the box, not all there. He hears, or hears about, things you have said about him. How you describe him... how you see him... as a set type... as a lacking or bunch of lackings... as negativity. He knows what you mean by it, or he wouldn't feel hurt by it or be upset by it. If he's not upset by it, he still knows what you mean by it... but is either scared to show it for fear he get hauled away foe being even crazier, or treated as even more delusional... or he knows you aren't worth getting upset over in that way. (And I don't mean you're less worthy of whatever... I mean you're more than picking on people!) And he knows how you treat him, how you look at him, your vibe around him, even if you never said a word about "crazy" around him and tried to hide it in your attitude and presentation and a...

 A lot of "lazy bums" aren't asking anyone-- least of all YOU-- to KEEP them alive... they're just asking you to LEAVE them alive. To not harass them or hurt or harm them. To not spread propaganda about them. So why are you ging out of their way to shame them, and saying it's for their own good? Isn't it less painful for them to just learn naturally from their mistakes or from their overlookings or from their misfortunes, than to have it shoved down their throat in a torturously humiliating and painful manner by the likes of you? Are you triggered by what you see as their choices? Do they remind you of someone from your past who treated you as a lesser person? Perhaps used you in some direct or indirect way in order to get what they wanted for free, even if it wasn't something they actually needed? Are you now, as a result, projecting that abuser's values, intent, actions, reasons for their actions, and trajectory onto the people you see as bums in the...

 Then you need to tell me. And you need to tell me the real, actual, complete reason(s) why. Not bottle it up until one day you explode at me or at some other innocent person that had nothing to do with it. And NOT take it out on me in passive aggressive, back-door, roundabout ways, like being harder on me in some other way or blaming me for unrelated crap (stuff I didn't actually do), or becoming paranoid of me and taking it out on me, or expecting me to take the fall for everyone else's crap as "the least I can do" for you or for anyone else, or desperately seeking help for your emotions by pretending I did something else that I didn't do or had some other attitude I didn't have or that we got into a fight that never actually happened. Like, be straightforward with me... or get out of my life until you can. And I mean totally out of my life until you can... not trying to get even in some sneaky way by some back exit by telling people exaggerated or made-up o...

 You knew exactly what they were going to say (if it was something dehumanizing) or do. And then they said or did it, and it was your worst fear coming true. You knew before. People called you paranoid. Then it actually happened. Then those same people called you too complacent for supposedly not realizing it was going to happen, when it's them that refused to realize.  Ditch those people.

They raise and educate and "inform" us-- and they engineer experiences for us to have-- in ways designed to make us believe that not pleasing society's higher-ups is being intellectually or emotionally incapable of surviving. In actual fact, it's the opposite. Refusal to obey them blindly-- AKA knowing one's inherent, inevitable inability to be perfect or be who the higher-ups want us to be anyway-- is an ability, not a lacking or disability or evil or crime or misstep or poor choice or bad decision or misdemeanor, and shouldn't be a mark of shame. Human-to-cockroach conversations. Next time I'm in one of those (I wouldn't ever speak to anyone as though I'm human and them lesser than me, but others have done so to me)... I plan to say to the professed "only human" in the conversation, "This conversation is either going to be-- preferable-- human to human, or-- barring that-- cockroach to cockroach. But it isn't going to be human ...

In my case, you need to tell me in your own words (to prove you understand it) the fact that you will treat me like more of a person than you treated me as from now on. I won't be mad about anything else other than not being treated like a person. I don't get mad at people over petty crap. Don't fucking apologize or be sorry. That just feels like pity to me and like a forced have-to on your part that you really don't want to do or feel like doing, something that humiliates you more than anything... even if that isn't the case, it feels like it to me. Don't just say nothing but try to "make it up" to me in some sort of alternative, unassertive, sneaky, back-door way or with material crap or favors or irrelevant stuff. That just feels like sucking up and like you think I can be bought, even if that isn't your aim at all. What I need and crave in these situations is straightforward, non-grudging, non-apologetic honesty. If you're incapable of that...

This culture encourages us to "go the extra mile" to prove our loyalty and passion to a cause by double-punishing our enemies for whatever terrible (or even not so terrible) things they did. It's rub-it-in culture, AKA "hammer them with it until they react and thus prove they feel terrible" culture. It's "add further insult and injury to insult and injury" culture, "hang em high" culture, zero-tolerance-for-common-sense culture, "moderation is for sissies" culture. Dreaded death at midnight culture, lonely death at dawn culture, "make sure they don't get their hands on any drugs before we execute them" culture. A culture of aggravating one's opponent's issues... often issues that made him behave in the offending (or dehumanizing, maybe deadly) way in the first place. Of then using their reaction to that aggravation as evidence they were scum to begin with. (The terms "bad seed" and "pathologi...