All this to say that a lot of them will be embarrassed.

 All stereotyping is dehumanizing other than "Everyone is a sentient, positive, loving being equally to all others and infinitely and permanently."

Other "positive" stereotypes are just as bad as negative ones. Because they don't see you as more than a narrow this or that type. Then when you act or suddenly show up as different from the stereotype they had of you, their whole world is often destroyed. They take it out on you. They will in some way or other accuse you of false advertising or deception... as tho you ever wanted or tried to make them think their narrow crap about you at all. Or they might tell you that you will come to a sticky end or at least that your life will be a dead end if you don't start acting like their stereotype of you again. They might think or say that you have gone off the deep end or are having an episode... They try to tell you that you have lost THE plot just because you discarded the plot of THEIR narrative they had in their head of who you were or are or will ever be... That narrative they might have been spreading around and oops... Now its revealed as false... So now they look stupid. (It's them that's lost the plot!) And so they blame you for "making a fool of them." As though you gave them their way of thinking that caused them to typecast you.

But those who did raise or educate or otherwise train them to think that way are often long gone from their lives. So they can't blame them. At least they can no longer take it out on them... They missed that boat. So they blame you. For not being a good enough friend or family member... Apparently if you loved them at all you would be conforming to their stereotypes in order to appease their traumatized brain so that it doesn't blow a gasket and explode into a bloody internal mess from the shock. How inconsiderate and selfish of me to disappoint and humiliate them like that! How very silly and shallow of me to not think of them in that way! Don't I see how I caused them to suffer by refusing to walk on eggshells around them at the expense of my own mental health? Don't I realize that questioning this crap makes me so wierd and universally unpleasant that I will die lonely and alone unless I stuff my feelings and the truth back into the little box it belongs in?

Give me a fucking break, ma'am. You can't honestly believe that I'm the only one in this universe or on his planet or in this country or this province or this city or this borough or even on this street that values what I do.

All this to say that when I publish a particular one of my books... One about my life and how I feel about it all and what I think... A lot of people are going to be very embarrassed about how they treated me and others around me. Some won't care and some won't even read it or even hear about it. But a lot will read it. And if they bother to read it that means they care. Even if at first it's just them reading it in a panic to see if I wrote anything bad about them in it... Or out of morbid curiosity and for someone to talk shit about to their friends to elevate their own temporary fake self esteem.

It would be disgusting of me if I wanted them to feel any torture... Any shame or guilt or fear or depression over anything. But I am looking forward to a lot of them feeling very, very embarrassed.

You are the ones who get to judge if I'm wrong or sick to want that. My point, though, is that I want them to never treat anyone else the way they treated me. Or ever treat me like that again either... Either behind my back telling lots of people, or if they run into me.

And another point here is that I'm human and should not be expected to act better than my aggressors.

Want me to forgive? Fine.. You go first... By forgiving ME for not forgiving the actual aggressors here.

Think I owe them understanding? Then they-- and you-- owe ME understanding too. Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Expected better of me? Oh boy... Where do I start? How about here: I expected better of my aggressors too... And of you. I thought YOU would be more understanding of ME.

Now i see whose team you're on... Not on both or all of ours; that's impossible. A person can and should and needs to respect every person as a sentient being... But that means remembering that NO one is PERSONAL friends with everyone. When it comes to that, you are not too high and mighty to have a type. No one is. And I'd be more skeptical of and worried about you if you denied that you would put your own soul family first on a personal level, than if you admitted it.

The whole point of the book... If you read it... Is how dangerous it is to devalue people... Including by idealizing them first... Which does every time lead to devaluation of them. It is dehumanizing towards someone when one is calling them names or spitting on them or ignoring them or saying straightforwardly dehumanizing shit about them or expecting them to come to no good at all... But it is just as dehumanizing to expect them to try to "become like God" or "behave like Jesus" or "be above" having emotions or "resist temptation" such as righteous indignation or any emotion that isn't pure, blind gratitude... Or straight, undiluted gratitude no matter what the situation.

Maybe it is you that lacks gratitude... You don't seem too grateful for the idea of freedom to express one's emotions and the feeling of security that comes when someone is transparent with you about their emotions... And thus their beliefs and values and motives. And the idea that a person shouldnt have to play a set part or assigned role or have a permanent position.

Everyone is allowed to not be perfect... And that means me too.

Everyone is allowed to be and express and present as themselves. That means me too.

Everyone is allowed to make any and all mistakes that don't dehumanize others. And that means me too.

And yes my aggressors have complex intense life stories and complex intense thoughts and emotions... And so do I. My emotions are a lot more than the chopped liver that seems to be the extent you saw of them. Because I'm more than that.

I'm more than the roles some of you assigned me or assumed I fit or that you assumed were all I was good at or good about or good for. And I'm more than the fall person others try o take their traumas from other people out on... Effectively expecting me to absorb the blame with a smile, and take the punishment for the actions of people I ever even met.

If I keep letting people do this to me, I might end up in the running for the position of next person or type to get blamed for all of society's problems. It has happened to many people before.

And you are more than the moral police. What other things do you like to do or talk about or look at or have or be around or experience... and what further things are you dying to express or explain or show you can do? I need to take a break from preaching my shit too... It's getting to me. It is no longer helping me keep the plot to the point where I act on what I know as much as I could and should. It has become a hindrance to that.