Why I sometimes feel the need to "clean up others' rumors" about me
Joe comes to visit. Takes a giant shit on my living room carpet. Leaves.
I refuse to clean it up, cuz it ain't my shit and it's gross.
Jackie tells Melody that I'm a disgusting slob.
Jackie tells Irma that I took a shit on my own living room floor and didn't even clean it up.
Irma tells Anne that I have a scatalogical fetish and won't even take care of the sanitation aspects of my "escapades" after I'm done.
Anne tells Prya that I'm a dirty old lady.
Prya tells Dave that I'm dirty. In a sexual sense and a sanitation sense.
Dave tells his friend Moe from the city health department that my house is full of shit.
Meanwhile, Anne is a traditional religious gal who is very against kinks, unsanitary stuff, and any sex other than for procreating. She tells her priest, Manuel, that I have committed some very grave sins and abominations against the Lord.
Sworn to confidentiality, Manuel can only tell his wife Germaine part of the story: that someone in town has committed extremely filthy sins of a sexual and unsanitary nature that originated in the sinner's own house.
Germaine has already heard from multiple people by now that the city health department has visited my house over a tip-off Moe got about there being feces in my living room. She puts 2 and 2 together and thinks, "Manuel is talking about Lardy Larsie over on Shitstain Blvd!"
Germaine tells Ricardo that the city health department had to come clean up a lot of shit in my house. That my house must have been covered in it and swarming with maggots!
Ricardo tells Julius that a woman on Shitstain Blvd has a house full of maggots and shit.
Julius goes to Shitstain Blvd, to my exact address because he knows it, to check it out and sees a pile of dog shit in the driveway of my neighbor, Chloe, from my Chloe's dog.
Julius does not know Chloe has a dog, her dog might be inside and currently quiet. Julius knocks on Chloe's door to tell her her neighbor took a shit in her driveway. Chloe is not home. She's out walking the dog.
Julius leaves a note on Chloe's door telling her to be careful of her neighbor who is into scatalogical and other "sick" fetish stuff.
Chloe comes home, sees the note, and decides to protect her dog from me. Because you can't be too safe. She stops letting the dog go outside in the yard without her.
Chloe makes cake batter and realizes she's out of sugar. She goes to my house, reluctantly, but this is an emergency. She needs to borrow some sugar. She brings her dog with her to my house. Then she gets an attack of the runs and needs to use my bathroom. Unbeknownst to her, her and her dog shared a bad puece of meat last night that didn't make her that nauseated but now it's making itself known. She leaves her dog in my living room. With me. Alone.
Dog gets an attack of the runs too and you guessed it, takes a giant oozy goopy shit on my floor.
There's a knock on my door. It's the postman, Harold. Delivering a piece of mail, a letter from the city telling me there's nothing to worry about and that my house is fine. But all he knows about the sealed piece of mail is that it's from the city.
Harold looks inside and sees shit on my living room floor. The dog is running around in pain yowling because he's sick, but Harold thinks it's because I did something to the dog. Because he has already heard of "my" "sick" comings and goings. Chloe is still in the bathroom.
Harold tells Iris that I did something very bad to a dog that traumatized and hurt the poor dog.
Chloe comes out of the bathroom after Harold has left. She sees the letter from the city on my coffee table but does not open it. She assumes it's a letter condemning my actions and threatening me with repercussions. She is so disgusted she leaves with her dog without borrowing any sugar. She wonders if my bathroom she used was really as sanitary or okay as it looked.
Chloe tells Mike that she was sick, used my bathroom, yadayadayada. Mike is reading the newspaper and is not really listening. All he hears is "used Larsie's bathroom" and "was very sick".
Mike is surprised that Chloe would use Larsie's bathroom after all the unsanitary complaints made against her that are circulating in the community. So he yells at Chloe, "Don't you know better than to use Larsie's bathroom??? That is why you got sick!!"
Chloe assumes he means something else. She assumes he means that there's an actual outside, independent reason he thinks she would get sick from my bathroom. That he must know or have heard something she does not know. She trusts him... he's her husband.
Chloe tells Diane that my bathroom might have given her a disease.
Diane nods knowingly and says it might be an STD or e coli and that Chloe better get tested.
Diane tells Rina that Chloe might have caught something from using my bathroom.
Rina tells Chloe (and Sandy and Leslie) that she already heard from Harold that I had more shit in my house on the floor "and got another letter from the city."
Sandy tells Lucy that I got another letter from the city about feces in my house.
And on and on it goes. It does not get better.
All because Joe took a shit on my living room floor over an argument and a misunderstanding.
This story is obviously fiction, but I told it to illustrate why I try to stand up for myself and stop rumors about me by telling the truth. It may make me look emotionally immature to the point of retardation (as tho I care what these people think because of my ego/self esteem rather than due to possible missed opportunities and bad attention that might be dangerous), but sometimes it's necessary... because yes some people will always believe that so-and-so is guilty no matter what, and yes some people just don't care what they say or believe and are creatures of chaos, and yes your own people will know you are not guilty and support you no matter what, but it;'s often a fourth group that are just as bad as the first two groups. The fourth group are often just as dangerous if not more, because that fourth group are those who have a conscience but it is misguided and misplaced... they are the ones who will falsely accuse someone of something and use all the right evidence to come to all the wrong conclusions about what happened and who did what... and they will feel the moral obligation to PUNISH the "offender"/perceived guilty party "because they have a duty to do so." They can make your life hell.
I'm guilty of being part of the fourth group in some situations in my life myself, minus the "feeling the need to punish people" part. Usually I would just keep telling people what I thought was true, which was bad enough if it wasn't.
Oh, I could go further with this story! Like Chloe getting tested for an STD and it coming back positive because her husband cheated on her and gave her a disease, but she blames it on the fact that she use Larsie's bathroom!
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