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Song 1 for our band (folk song): Fake Hans

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Fake Hans



Fake Hans went to the Oktoberfest.

People made fun of how Fake Hans was dressed.

Although Fake Hans was wearing leiderhosen

The so-called German natives said Fake Hans was posin’.


They told Fake Hans that he would be deported.

To that, our lovely fake Hans retorted

“I may be someone you want to deport

but you cannot, I have a German passport!”


[Chorus]: Ja! Ja! Ja! Wooo! Everybody loves fake Hans!

Essential jobs Germans won’t do are done by fake Hans!

Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Fake Hans is essential!

Ja! Ja! Just like you fake Hans has potential!


Fake Hans went to Switzerland for a vacation

and was told he was in the wrong nation.

The police chased him and shot at him: pop!

That’s when Fake Hans showed his German passport to the cop.

As they frisked him and searched the pockets of his pants

Fake Hans broke out in a German song and dance:


[Chorus]: Ja! Ja! Ja! Wooo! Everybody loves fake Hans!

Essential jobs Germans won’t do are done by fake Hans!

Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Fake Hans is essential!

Ja! Ja! Just like you fake Hans has potential!


Fake Hans is famous though he’s no Miley Cyrus.

Fake Hans works in the hospitals treating people with the virus.

Fake Hans collects the trash and recycling from your curb.

In Canada Fake Hans doesn’t qualify for CERB.


[Chorus]: Ja! Ja! Ja! Wooo! Everybody loves fake Hans!

Essential jobs Germans won’t do are done by fake Hans!

Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Fake Hans is essential!

Ja! Ja! Just like you fake Hans has potential!


At the bakery Fake Hans asked for some German bread.

The baker gave him Afghan bread and nans instead.

He asked the baker, “Why Afghan bread and nans?”

The reply he got: “You’re a Middle Eastern fake Hans!”


Fake Hans went to the shoemaker for some boots.

The shoemaker asked if he and Bin Laden were in cahoots.

Fake Hans went to mow somebody’s lawn.

The lady who lived there said, “Terrorist, be gone!”

Fake Hans went to the barbershop for a trim.

The barber refused any service to him.

Fake Hans went to the grocery store,

though he doesn’t even feel safe THERE any more.

Fake Hans went to the bank to get his pay.

The teller said he was on welfare and sat around all day.

She made a comment about his immigration.

He didn’t know whether to bother giving her an explanation.


[Chorus]: Ja! Ja! Ja! Wooo! Everybody loves fake Hans!

Essential jobs Germans won’t do are done by fake Hans!

Ja! Ja! Ja! Ja! Fake Hans is essential!

Ja! Ja! Just like you fake Hans has potential!

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