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Poem 39: I Can't

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I Can’t


I never learned to cook a roast.

I never learned to drive.

Not of a single thing can I boast.

I can’t believe I’m still alive.


I’m so incompetent it hurts.

I’m such a bloody ditz.

I’m always wearing too-short skirts

and my band never produces any hits.


I’m bad at washing dishes and floors.

I’m bad at making beds.

I’m bad at remembering to lock doors

and never clean up when my dog sheds.


I couldn’t cook to save my life.

I couldn’t even clean.

I always cause accidental strife

but am bad at deliberately being mean.


If I built a house

it would fall in on us.

I’m like a louse

that makes everyone cuss.

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