Poem 2: Citalopram City

 

Citalopram City

We’re all on antidepressants here.

We love them and don’t want to stop.

We haven’t shed a single tear

and the drugs really make our personalities pop.

The “me” comes out when I take my pills.

I’m no longer shy or unsure.

I know that sometimes mania kills

but I still don’t want a cure.

I’d rather be manic than depressed

so I take antidepressants I don’t need

that also stop one from being stressed.

It’s on this energy that I feed.

I love the high it gives me now.

I don’t think about the later low.

I do whatever the energy will allow

and never want to take it slow.

I love the way my mood goes up

and never think about the crash.

I’m an overflowing cup

then suddenly I feel like trash.

I don’t like people telling me to stop

or slow down, chill, be quiet or wait,

until my mood takes a sudden flop

and I realize the high was just a bipolar trait.

I love myself when my pills work,

that is, when they give me a high.

Then suddenly, I’m a world class jerk

and people just wish I’d eat shit and die.

I feel like a silly clown,

the smile never leaving me.

Then suddenly I’m really down

in the worst kind of misery.

I loved my life so much I laughed

and people thought that I was nuts.

They thought I was just really daft

not to see I was in a bunch of ruts.

I then went down, from good to bad.

I do not like that experience.

It’s the worst feeling I ever had

and I suddenly had no patience

for anyone, or anything, from death to milk spills

and I wish for an easy fix

so I then take too many pills

hoping they will do the tricks

and make my mood go up a lot

like a seasaw in a play park.

I feel like I’m on the spot

and must keep my thoughts from getting dark.

So now the bloody pills don’t work

and my own fault I think it is.

I knew the consequences would lurk

in my shitty brain like a soda with fizz,

popping up when least expected.

I also knew the whole time somehow

but those thoughts I always rejected

until they come out in full force now.

I’ve had enough. I’m done with all

the highs, because the lows aren’t worth the trouble.

So I think I’ll take my meds properly rather than fall

into a state that bursts my bubble.